The Art and Power of the Sincere Apology

One of the interesting points in life is when people who occupy positions of authority, power and responsibility make mistakes, or to use that wonderful Australian term, stuff up.

It happens.  But what does take a great deal of moral courage and humility, is admitting when one has got it wrong and apologising.

In 2007, Dr Randy Pausch from Carnegie Mellon University gave, what is known as the “Last Lecture”. For him, this lecture made headlines as he was suffering from incurable pancreatic cancer and knew that his death was imminent

In that speech, Dr Pausch made a point about apologies that resonated then and keeps resonating today. Dr Pausch stated that an apology has three parts:

 “I’m sorry.” – stating you are sorry and meaning it. 

“It was my fault”  - taking responsibility.

“How do I make it right? – what actions can we take to make it right for you? 

This three part sincere apology is a powerful approach to take. It provides those who have made mistakes and done the wrong the opportunity for humility and to rectify, repair the mistake, the wrongdoing and the damage caused to the satisfaction of all.  

I had the opportunity to apply this apology approach, and the result was amazing. A long damaged relationship was repaired. It was not instant, but my sincerity was accepted, and we keep in regular contact today. 

I ask myself: what would have happened if the financial institutions, who appeared at the recent Banking Royal Commission, had done this?

What if the agencies, who perpetrated the appalling abuses, as documented in the recent Royal Commission into Child Abuse, had done this?

 The Leadership Lesson: A sincere apology has both vulnerability, humility and power. It may not always be accepted, but the impact on those that feel aggrieved, is remarkable. And it does wonders for your own character and credibility. Because as a leader, everybody is watching you.

Philip Wagner is a contrarian Project and Leadership educator and practitioner, serving Army Officer and developer of the Leader IQ and Project IQ concepts of Leadership and Project Intelligence - He can be contacted at  phil@philipwagner.com.au or 0419 001 911